Rejected at Birth
Rejection is hurtful. There is just no other way to say it. If you have ever been rejected or abandoned, you will know what I mean. I am going to come right out and say it… I have felt the sting of rejection and abandonment, even as a child. Many do not know that I have never met my birth father. Guess what… I know countless of men and women who are in the same situation as me. They either have not met one side of their existence or that parent is consistently absent so they might as well not know who they are.
Rejections is defined as “to cast off” or “to spew out”. WOW! As I write this, I get the visual of someone simply making the decision that another person is not worthy of their love, time, attention, consideration… so much.
As a young man, I wondered, “How could someone just walk out of their child’s life?” Then one day I stumbled upon a real-life story in the bible of a baby who faced the type of rejection I could never imagine. The 4th chapter of 1 Samuel shares this tragic story of Ichabod, the son of Phinehas and grandson of Eli, both of whom were priests in the temple of God. I (believe) the Spirit of God allowed me to look at this story to understand some of the underlying causes of rejection. Allow me to share a several thoughts.
Rejections starts with rejecting God – When someone is rejected, it can feel they are the direct recipient or reason for the rejection. However, the story leading up to Ichabod’s rejection shows that long before his birth, both his grandfather and father rejected the instructions, obedience, and relationship with God. It is hard for a person to establish healthy relationships with others if their relationship with God is damaged. I Samuel 2:12-25 shares that Ichabod’s father and uncle were wicked, disobeying God and disregarding the righteous and holy expectations of a priestly office. To make it worse, Eli did nothing to address their sinful and wicked behavior. God eventually speaks judgement on the whole house or lineage of Eli (1 Samuel 2:27-34) which is what in the end impact Ichabod.
Rejection happens when one relationship is valued over another – Ichabod lost his father and grandfather all in the same day. As if that was not bad enough, he lost his mother also during childbirth. However, this was not a normal childbirth. Ichabod’s mother was full of sorrow, brokenness, and despair over the tragic news of everything that had happen. The events multiplied her sorrow to the point she did not pay the child any attention (I Samuel 4:19-20). So many times, I have seen this play out in modern day scenarios. Hurt and heartache are also very painful experiences in our lives. This hurt is multiplied when a relationship that was supposed to last forever breaks apart. It can leave the other parent, most often the mother, feeling angry, indifferent, and resentful towards fruit or offspring of the relationship. In essence, the remaining parent cannot enjoy the blessing “that is” because of the lost “that was”. A sort of death happens emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Instead of calling the child “Ichabod”, the child is called “stupid” or “you are just like…”. These negative names attach themselves the child making them feel inferior, incompetent, worthless, unwanted, and much more. This begins the cycle of pain that leads to other compounding issues both in childhood and adulthood.
Where rejections exist, hopelessness also exist – Sometimes this is difficult to understand because of the pain and confusion we are currently dealing with from our rejection. The fact of the matter is the person who rejected us may never share where they are and why they decided to abandon their responsibilities. Notice, 1 Samuel 4:19 never reveals the name of the Ichabod’s mother, Phinehas’ wife, and Eli’s daughter-in-law. She is nameless, only identified by the men around her. Think about her life from what we know from the scriptures. She is the wife of a priest who is also an adulterer (1 Samuel 2:22) and a thief (1 Samuel 2:16-17). She was the daughter-in-law of a priest who may have once been a man of integrity and honor but now is a sluggard and apathetic towards his responsibility to hold his family accountable. The only glimpse we get into Ichabod’s mother is her emotional disparity regarding the news which caused her to deliver her child and die afterwards. The fact she names him Ichabod, which means “no glory” speaks volumes about her state of hopelessness. Ichabod’s mother intent is cast her hopeless state on her offspring so that her condition will live forever, even if she is not present.
We never really hear what happens to Ichabod after this other than a slight reference to his nephew Ahijah who is the son of Ahitub, also the son of Phinehas (1 Samuel 14:3). However, unlike Ichabod, we have hope that the rejection we may have felt, and experienced does not have to hold us captive. The circumstances of our birth and early existence may not be pretty or peaceful, but our today and tomorrow can be one filled with hope. Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior shares he came to seek those who are rejected, casted away, and spewed out by society. Luke 15:3-10; 19:10 and Ephesians 2:19-22 shares with us the good news that our loneliness does not have to exist, and we are no longer strangers outside of the love and family of Christ.
Today, my prayer is that your healing would begin and all of the rejection you have dealt with would be replaced with love, belonging, and a sense of value, knowing that you are a special and valuable gift to God.
Blessings…
