It Starts With Me
While supporting one of my young mentees through a difficult period in life, I reflected on my own personal experiences growing up. Since my childhood, the holiday seasons were extremely depressing. To be honest, I did not always understand why. My mind and emotions were constantly in chaos. Happiness and peace were allusive. Last year was the first year I did not feel total depression. This year was the first year I was able to recognize that things were different and why.
While going through several years of counseling (YES… I said YEARS), I came to realize that I had built my life around secrets. However, these secrets no longer had to hold me captive if I was willing to come out of hiding. So, NO MORE HIDING does not start with others…. It starts with me. Here a couple truths I have learned:
1. Religion confuses young people. It is simply a list of “dos and don’ts” aimed a human perfection which we could never achieve. We must connect our young people to a RELATIONSHIP with God. This does not make God any less Holy or Sovereign. In fact, it moves from corporate to individualized, allowing that young man or woman to see themselves in the relationship God has always wanted to have with them – Jeremiah 1:5.
2. The impact of domestic violence in the home shatters the peace and safety that children need to be whole and health. For young boys, seeing their fathers engage in this behavior creates and cultivates anger. Some young men can work through the anger when help is present. However, many of our homes and communities have normalized this negative behavior, thereby removing the ability to see why the mental, emotional, and physical abuse is harmful. We grow up either as “rescuers” choosing unhealthy and unbalanced relationships that are short-lived or as “violators” leaving our own path of destruction.
3. More men have been the victim of “inappropriate” sexual encounters than our community will admit. Because sexual activity for boys at an early age is considered more of a conquest than a violation, we do not think about the negative emotional and mental impact that comes along with these experiences. Our young men need protection also. These experiences leave the man empty and unable to connect on a level deeper than physical. Long-lasting, sustainable, covenant-based relationships requires that HE be whole and healthy also.
4. Unless there is a threat of danger, life, or limb, one parent does not have the right to keep the identity of the other parent a secret. I know this truth may not sit well with many people, especially women or mothers. Yes, life goes on. However, in the case of the boy and his identity (even if it is physical), that relationship is most important. A revealed truth is better than a hidden lie any time. Adultery, one-night stand, abandonment, addiction, prison, incompatible… whatever! Let that young man know the truth early so he can start to ask the questions that brings him to understanding and eventually peace.
5. Negative peer pressure controls the young man when he does not have a positive self-identity and support system. Negative peer pressure is not only gangs, drugs, juvenile delinquency, etc. Negative peer pressure can also be in the form of harassment from a peer group because the young man may not like sports or enjoys reading. Negative peer pressure attacks the dreams and visions that the young man may have for himself. This negativity is not always outside of the home either. It includes negative talk from parents disgruntled about their lives, siblings who antagonize the brother or sister who may seem different (ugly duckling or Cinderella syndrome), educators in a dysfunctional school system, close community members who are jealous and vision is limited to their neighborhood, the list goes on and on. Creating a protective barrier around our youth is critical if we are going to see generational curses broken.
